Sunday, 6 April 2014

Am I really an adult yet?


When being in and out of hospital like a revolving door, it gets pretty normal, a second home you could say.
I have developed many close relationships with many nurses, they know how I act, my personality, my likes, dislikes, they know a lot about me. So what if one day, I have to start a fresh? Make new relationships all because they see me as an 'adult', lose those valuable bonds with nurses and doctors, just because I'm no longer the right age to stay.
Moving to the adult clinic, is my next step in my life. I'm 16 now, it is something that is cropping up in conversation a lot in my clinics. Due to being 16, I'm getting to the end of my time in the pediatrics ward. But the term 'adult clinic' or 'adult center' isn't what I am, I'm not really an adult yet and the prospect of going somewhere where they treat adults and accept me as an adult is a little daunting.

I like the ward I'm at, they know how I work with treatments and medication and being at the stage where I'm going to leave and go to a new place is scary. They won't know me well and won't know how I like treatments. I mean I know that's what happens when you go to adults and you kind of just need to deal with it, but I'm not in the mood to be messed around, because I know I do not have the confidence yet to criticize any doctor or nurse, I'm not really an adult. I'm very young for my age, the way I act, the lack in confidence, How would I cope in a new environment? Yet this is what is being expected of me between now and my 18th Birthday.  It's not preventable, I knew this was going to happen one day but when I was 14 it felt like ages away, now I'm nearing this stage I wish I could turn back time and start again.
When I go into hospital now, I do feel too grown up to be there, I have little interest in going to the 'playroom' and painting a picture, I'd rather be getting on with work, which is impossible from the lack of wifi provided. But when I leave, I don't feel like an adult. I'm still young and the idea of having a say in all my treatments in the adult clinic is slightly frighting, I got so used to just being told what would happen to me, now I get a choice which is very strange. I mean why would you ask me if you can do a blood test? I will want to say no so bad, just tell me you're doing one so I can't argue with you because I know the blood test will have been suggested for my own good.
I'm just not good with change.

Blood Glucose

I'm currently on a blood glucose test, I have a monitor under my skin and I also have to stab myself with a needle 4 times a day, this should get a better picture of it I have diabetes or not.
They wanted this to all done before I go into adults
The results should be ready in my next clinic which is in June I think.


I don't really have much else to talk about, this was the only time I was free to write this, I have so much revision to do this holiday as when I go back I have like two weeks before my first exam. But then such a long summer! That is what is getting me through all this horrible time!

- Stay lovely xx

4 comments:

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  2. I was lucky and managed to stay on at pediatrics for much longer than I should have done due to the adult clinic not being held at the hospital closest to me. I was 20 when I moved over after transitioning for 6 months and didn't feel ready myself. Don't worry about having to leave the nurses who've cared for you, I was with as good as the same team for 17 years and adults is different but I've been going nearly a year now and I've built relationships with the team I have now already. I understand it's a scary thing leaving your comfort zone as we get used to the same routine when we go to clinic but I'm sure you'll be just fine :)

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  3. You'll be fine, keep smiling ;D

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